I am running away from reality, as fast as i could.
and trying not to look back, so as to prevent my eye from tearing.
The first crack in perfection
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Shoe's challenge to write a story based on the word - "Impermanence". For me the word means - not constant. I am sure there are varied antonyms for it but I am going to go and write a short snippet based on the meaning that I am aware of. The story here is very abstract and its something I have gone through. I am sure almost everyone would have had something like this in their lives; irrespective of the fact that they realize it or not. "You know, there are no permanent fixtures in your life. Usually you believe that there is - a person, a thing or a feeling; but one day, it falls apart. It doesn't crumble to dust in one shot or overnight. It happens gradually and so slowly that every memory of it haunts you for the rest of your life. It fails you to hold on to that constant landscape that you always retreat to when everything becomes suffocated and life simply reduces to creases on your forehead. If you were to explain every tiny little feeling that each of your cell would feel when there is a jolt of odd feeling that someone you admire, respect and have come to assume as a friend that you can rely on anytime, utter a callous statement, you could perhaps earn a credit for physiology - since describing that feeling would mean explaining reaction by every vital organ of your body because of the unexplainable hurt caused by each of your nerve ends. If you are really honest in the way you show your emotions on your face, then perhaps you could be a study in disappointment. The way your face would fall, wiping any humor in your eyes, erasing the casual smile that you were sporting only moments ago, sudden constriction in your throat, the loud beating of your heart in your ears and a sudden heat that arises from the base of your neck and travels all the way to your cheeks to warm them and tinge them with a rosy hue of embarrassment. In that moment, all you can do is nod and flee the room as quickly as possible to hide the disappointment you felt when you heard those words for the first time. One might ask you, is your friendship so shallow that you get hurt by mere words from that person. It would be hard to explain to people around you the way you are feeling as it's not even close to being rational. In a little while you will come to terms with your embarrassment and move on. But you have realized that it's only a matter of time when words that bother you and hurt you would become more frequent and somehow they would also bother less and less and one day, these words wont matter at all. They would feel empty and would be just some words spoken by a stranger. Then you wonder, if everything is ever permanent at all. Somehow, the answer does not scare you anymore."