The coffee machine was broken for the fifth time this week and it was only Wednesday. There were more than a dozen people hanging around for their morning coffee waiting for the coffee machine to be fixed which was currently being repaired by a vendor. As soon as the machine got fixed everyone in the pantry rushed towards the coffee machine. It looked as though these people had never drank coffee in their lives. Or may be they were diagnosed with some rare disease and resident doctor had told them that a cup of coffee from this machine only could cure them. Or it was just a matter flaunting a smug little grin to people who were still waiting for their turn to get coffee. Morons, I thought.
I filled my mug and walked towards the corner of the pantry where my friend was waiting. As usual we didn't get chairs to sit because of them. Well, 'them' here refers to a team who sit in our wing. I still don't get it why they had to huddle in to one tight group during coffee breaks, as they already share same work area. They seemed to have developed weird attachment with each other. Even in pantry they have to sit together. There is one tiny table in the middle and ten chairs around it. There are only ten chairs in pantry anyway, so the rest of us poor souls either sit on floor or on platform or go back to our desks.
Seating, amongst them is totally based on seniority. You have senior PAs sitting close to table with an air of knowledge. Based on their stay in this office, the rest of the team is missed out. My friend and I sat next to the microwave, his hand (my friend's that is) lazily draped over that microwave. We both talk in low tones with an occasional burst of laughter. We are making fun of them, of course! After everyone had settled down, the senior PA realizes that PM was MIA. (MIA = Missing In Action). PA is now all concerned and makes a quick phone call. In couple of minutes PM enters pantry. "Aahh...here comes the King." My friend said.
Have you seen the serial Tipu Sultan by Sanjay Khan? If you have, then you will remember the way he walked to his court. Well, that is nothing compared to the way this PM walked in. My friend's face was looking comical as he was trying very hard not to laugh out loud. The PM fills his coffee mug and walks towards that table. He pats on the shoulder of one of the guys who is occupying a chair who is not a PA but had managed to sit near the table. PM asks that guy if everything is going well. The guy who is an SE and cursing in his mind that he didn't get a role change gets up in a gentlemanly fashion and offers his chair to the PM. PM looks abashed says no about fifteen times. Yeah, we counted. Three times standing, next seven times adjusting the chair to sit and five times after sitting. That SE looks away from his group and scowls. "The court has come to order, the king is settled; Now bullshitting begins." My friend whispered. I chuckled.
There are people who simply love to bask in some glory. This PM was not an exception.
"So guys, I hope you read my mail regarding our milestones that we reached during this quarter and the ops margins that we achieved. In case if any of you have any doubts, any at all, fell free to ask me." He gave them a big toothy smile. "I have a doubt that you don't understand a word you are speaking. Should I send this doubt to you in a mail?' My friend imitated the voice of one of the guys sitting there. It was damn hilarious. A meek young guy dared to ask a doubt. "Umm...what is ops margin?"
PM shared a secret smile with one of the PAs and shook his head as though it was a dumb question.
"I'll bet my next year salary that none of these so called senior guys have an idea of ops margin. They know the definition that is found in our internal website and have no clue as to how we arrive at a number." My friend sniggered. The PA gave an exaggerated sigh and explained to that young guy what ops margin is. The role of a PA /ML is kind of funny. You are a senior to SE which means you can boss around them and get all the coding work done. In case something goes wrong with the delivery, blame it on SE. If everything works out well, then it was your role as an ML that clicked the delivery. If project gets screwed, its PM's/on-site fault. Its a win-win situation. Anyways, this PA was explaining ops margin animatedly and that kid was hanging on to every word the PA was saying, as though his life depended on it. Once finished, PA gave a mysterious smile to that guy and said - "Don't worry, you will understand all of this very soon." That young guy looked happy thinking "very soon" was a hint for his role change. I guess by then PM had realized that PA was getting more attention and so started talking about the quality process he followed in one of the older projects which got astounding customer appreciation. He was throwing in jargons like, six sigma, CMM, quality audits, monthly quality matrix, defect tracking and productivity improving matrix. PAs were stopping him in between throwing many more jargons and nodding their head when that PM gave them a look or a one word answer. Some kids were looking at PMs and PAs as though they were the greatest minds of this organization.
"Thats absolute bullshit and I'll pledge my womb for next ten years for being a surrogate mother if I am wrong." I whispered near my friend's ears. My friend started coughing loudly to cover up his laughter. Idiot. He was worse than me when it came to controlling laughter. Not that I blame him. We were watching a cartoon show anyway!
My friend looked at that PM then looked at his watch. He did this for about five times when the PM finally got the hint. We sit and watch the crowd getting dispersed grinning to ourselves. We reached a point where we change direction to go to our respective desks. "Coffee at 4 PM? Can't miss evening show." My friend laughed. I smiled and made a mental note to go to pantry at 4 PM.
Some people dance inside themselves. But when the time comes, they cannot dare a move. She was that kind of a person. He observed her whenever there was an opportunity to do so. They were acquaintances. Their relationship was somewhere between being strangers and friends. Aren't we all? He wondered. She was standing alone in a deserted pantry idly sipping coffee. She was staring at distant building through long bay windows. He knew she wasn't looking at those fancy buildings. She was looking at her reflection on that faintly dust coated window. There was a hint of pride on her face and there was something else. Was that insecurity...? He didn't know. Her fling with a fellow mate in this office was the topic of discussion for many months. During those days she was extra cheery, extra smiling and extra talking. Like a continuous noise. He was disgusted with the fact that her break up was talked in hushed tones even in mens room. He wanted to yell at people to get a life. Its not that he liked her or anything. Come to think of it, he barely even acknowledged her presence many times. Their interaction was always within professional boundaries. He had known her for some years and he had never come across a woman as strong and as confident as her. People mistook her pride for her arrogance and her intelligence for rudeness. Not that there were very intelligent people in this office, he chuckled at that thought.
After her disastrous relationship, he had rarely seen her talking animatedly about something new she read somewhere. Never before had he seen her like this in her most vulnerable moment. For a minute he thought that he was invading a private moment that she was having with her reflection. He pushed those thoughts away. He never really bothered about such things. Pantry is a public place, isn't it?
The sound of the coffee machine made her turn and look at him. She gave him a defeated smile. At that moment he wanted to pack her off to a faraway island, away from everything and everyone and see her reflecting a smile in his tea cup. He wanted to see if she could spare a breath from her usual silliness and let him try to understand her. Perhaps in a different lifetime, he thought. He was the only person who had not congratulated on her affair or gave his sympathies when she was dumped. He had simply ignored her. On that day, in pantry with a steaming cup of coffee for the first time, he initiated a conversation with no professional boundaries. He knew what he was getting into, and for a change, he didn't care.
"Having coffee?" He wanted to smack himself. How lame could you get? Knowing her, he was sure to get a witty and snappy comeback.
"Yeah. My fifth one for the day." Her voice was low and raspy. He didn't like it one bit.
"I don't think its wise to wallow in self pity for such a long time and that too over an idiot." His voice was gentle.
"I don't recall asking you for an advice. Hell, I don't recall even talking to you ever out side our professional needs. We are not friends. And I am in no mood to make one. I don't need your pity or your sympathy. So back off."
"Now be a good girl and take a long sip of your coffee."
"Huh??"
"You managed to say so many lines in one breath. Its been a long time since you have done so. Your vocal chords will tire easily as they are out of practice. Have coffee, it will soothe your throat." If she was angry before, it was nothing compared to now. She was positively seething and he was enjoying immensely. Her anger, he could deal with, her fragility was something he was scared of.
"Why are you talking to me? I mean why now? Its been weeks since my break up and people here have almost forgotten that I have a failed relationship. Why are you trying to open up old wounds?" He chose his words carefully.
"All your sadness is spent and you have no tears left. You don't want to think about him anymore so you are more than welcome to a fresh perspective of things. You are almost over him so you will be a little logical when it comes to relationships. Its the best time to talk, actually. You might actually listen what I have got to say without bawling your eyes out or screeching like an emotionally distraught female."
"Its your turn to take a sip of coffee. My vocal chords might be out of practice, in your case, they haven't been used enough." He smiled. This is how he wanted her to be. Proud, intelligent and witty. He didn't question himself as to why he suddenly "wanted" these things. He chose not to tread on those roads. This wasn't the time.
"Why did you do this to yourself?"
"What did I do to myself?" His voice faltered for a minute. In that minute he thought may be talking to her was not a good idea at all. But he was neck deep in this already. He explained further.
"He gave you a bit of attention, a smile, a touch and a handful of dreams. He never really saw you. The popular guy goes with the popular girl, an eternal fairy tale. The popular guy realizes god knows what and splits with the popular girl. Its a usual story in this world and is as old as this world itself." He really wanted to know the reason for their split. What could have gone wrong in the paradise? He wondered.
"He told me that I was too good for him. Whatever does that mean? Please don't insult me with a superficial answer like - You are too brilliant or he is a bastard or anything along those lines. Just, be honest."
"He might have had some shallow reason or other don't worry about it. I, on the other had have my own reasons as to why you are too good for him."
"Oh..."
"Even if it was only for some months, he was everything to you. He gave you a bit of attention and left you at it. He could hurt you deeply - with a glance, a touch or just a word. You simply gave him the power and the weapon. Don't get me wrong, you didn't compromised your independence or your individuality for his sake, you did that for the sake of something as silly as love or togetherness or companionship or some other notion like that. Granted, that you thought that he was worth everything you did, but isn't that a tad expensive price to pay?"
"So where is I being too good for him part?" He shook his head. She didn't get it at all.
"Your integrity is way too precious to waste it on a loser like him. Its as simple as that. Look at you. Its been what, a month already since your break-up and here you are still thinking about time spent with him and how happy you were then." He couldn't fathom why he was getting so agitated.
"I was happy then and thats a fact. I am not happy now and thats a fact too. The only difference between now and then is him."
"Then get over him. Move on. Just let him go." He felt exhausted. He never really bothered for anyone's anguish and he wished he understood why he was pushing her this way.
"I don't want to let him go."
"Why not?"
"I would be completely lonely then. All I have is memories now. If I let go of those too, I would be terribly lonely." He had this sudden urge to go find that guy who had reduced her to this and bury alive, bring him back to life and kill him all over again. He shook his head to shake off the invisible tangles in his head. He decided he should tell her one more thing before he walked out of this pantry.
"There is one more reason why I talked to you."
"What?"
"I saw you standing alone and staring at your reflection on that window. I didn't wanted you to feel alone. I didn't wanted you to taste that loneliness. Not now at least." His kept his face intentionally blank in case she tried to make out what he was thinking.
"Are you saying we can be friends?"
"Friends? Please, not one of your silly notions again. Its just a fancy name for a dumb brethren."
"Alright, what are you proposing?" He gently took her cell phone and saved his cell phone number, residence number, e-mail addresses. He wrote his residence address on his business card and placed it along with her cell phone in her hands.
"In case you feel lonely, pick any one mode of communication and then I will take care of you."
They walked out of the pantry as though nothing had changed. But in reality, everything was different.
I have been on hiatus from Internet (basically writing/reading) for approximately three weeks. Needless to say that it was the most boring three weeks in last few years. The reason was simply the fact that my eyes hurt. Yet, I broke my resolution (read doctor's orders) because it just wasn't me. Now, I am again going on hiatus from mails and chats. This time, its totally personal.
I saw him sitting at a corner table idly playing with the cutlery. The restaurant was in a quiet neighborhood and we wanted to meet on neutral grounds. He was a good looking guy but today, he looked quite beaten and exhausted. I pushed away all guilty feelings aside and walked towards him. He had called me this afternoon and had gently pushed me into accepting a dinner invite. It seems so long ago when I used to impatiently wait for a dinner with him. Now, it was just another appointment that I was trying to keep. I slid across his table giving him a faint smile. After two years of marriage and six months of separation this was all I could do.
"I thought you weren't going to come."
"I gave you my word didn't I? I for one, don't go back on my words."
"Thanks a tonne. There are certain things that I need to tell you. Things that I think I should have told you when we were together, but somehow never bothered to let you know. But before that, lets order alright?" He signaled a waiter. We finished giving out our orders and I looked at him expectantly. He began to talk.
"For last couple of months I have been thinking why our marriage failed." I sighed. This was a sensitive topic and now I know why he chose this place to talk. If we weren't in a public place, then there would be less talking and more shouting; the last time we tried talking, the "talk" had ended up as a factor distancing us away further from each other.
"You do realize the damage that these 'talks' can create? We simply blame each other for the failure and both end up saying things that we don't mean yet they hurt us to no end. Lets pretend to be two strangers, have dinner and go to our respective houses."
"I am not here to talk about you or talk about me. I am here to talk about us." His voice was low, clear and deep. Wasn't that one of the thing that I liked in him?
"OK. What about us? I thought 'us' ceased to exist six months ago, when you walked out of our apartment." He sighed and looked at me. His eyes had a far away look.
"Can you give me a chance to at least explain myself first?" I shrugged. I mentally decided that if he started to blame me for our marriage failure today, I was going to punch him. Hell with being in public place crap.
"If I asked you to explain yourself in one word then what would be it?" Hmm...I wondered if he was following this as per his marriage counselor's advice. Oh wait! Only a couple can have a marriage counselor, not just a man who wants a divorce. Divorce...I repeated that words couple of times in my mind. Every time it tasted bad. I ignored the bitter feelings and answered him.
"I am intelligent or sharp or simple or kind or witty or enchanting. Take your pick." He smiled.
"I think you are complicated. What do you say?"
"Interesting. In what sense?" I remembered a quote from Calvin and Hobbes - Hobbes, I am a simple man with complex tastes. He had told me this line when I had explained to him the cutlery,spices and grocery arrangement in our kitchen. I smiled at the memory.
"You are smiling. Remembered Calvin's line?"
"Yeah." How he knew these things, he never told me. He simply knew certain things about me without me telling him what I was feeling. It annoyed me to no end that he never really answered me those times. Just a shrug of shoulders used to be his answer.
"You are complicated not because you are an obsessive hygiene freak or because you analyze and plan everything before doing something. Its because you get yourself tangled in a whole lot of ideologies and theories which in the end becomes a big mess. Sometimes your theories work out and sometime they backfire. When they backfire, we a small rift between us."
"I thought we aren't blaming each other." I said a little heatedly. He had wonderfully psychoanalyzed me and whatever I was eating suddenly felt bitter.
"I am not blaming. I am merely stating certain things which I believe, I should have I told you years ago." His voice was gentle. He was slowly eating his food. I sat there just staring at my plate; he resumed speaking.
"I'll tell you one word to explain myself. Aloof."
"Aloof?" What is he on about? He was idly twirling his glass of wine.
"Do you remember that night when you told me that I work with such a concentration that I forget everything around me, including you? You were very proud of me that day. Of course, for the same reason you were angry with me for more than three quarters part of last year, but thats beside the point. In last couple of months I have wondered what would have happened if I had corrected you that night." I looked at him with surprise. It was good when we were hurling insults at each other. That made me feel lot more at ease then us being like this - not fighting and acting like adults!
"I achieve that level of concentration in my work because I practically nothing affects me. Including you." I looked up from my plate. He was pushing his food around his plate and was staring at salt and pepper shaker. In the past he had uttered words to me that I would never dream of him telling me, not meaning anything but got so lost in the heat of the argument that they had sounded he meant it. It had cut me real deep. Now, he is being honest and I have absolutely no idea what I am supposed to feel. I am supposed to feel something every time these kinds of emotional bursts are made right? I feel nothing. Whatever in hell does that mean?
"I am so sorry Suze. I didn't mean to hurt you. I thought I should tell you this." Suze...Suze...Suze...the name buzzed inside my head. There was this one time when I had chopped my hair real short. He started teasing me as Susie Derkins of Calvin's fame. In short, it was Suze. It was the only endearment that he has ever said to me. And the way he said it had made the name all the more special.
"Why are you telling this to me? Why now? Why after three years of marriage? There were more than a hundred occasions to tell me this." God, he is such an idiot.
"Because I didn't know till now. I didn't know that I had taken you for granted. I didn't know that not changing your perspective would mean breaking our marriage and I didn't know that not having a complex brain walking around me can make me miserable." This was too much for me. Strangely, there were no tears in my eyes. The numbness in me relaxed for just an iota bit. I have had enough. There was only one thing to do. I missed him terribly, but there was no way I was going to tell him. Not yet.
"Apology accepted." I said with a haughty smile.
"Umm...Suze, I never said sorry." I threw napkin on his grinning face. Was this all that was needed? Apology? Are things this simple? I guess I will never know if I don't give it a try.
"You do realize that nothing is going to be same between us? We have fought for more than a year and lived separately for last six months. A year and half of hostility, bluntness and anger to be put behind." I can't help analyzing everything. I cannot simply change myself to a simpering idiot because the guy decides to come back to me. Please, am much more than that. Husband or not, still its just a guy!!!
"Too true. Am glad, your brain is still busy processing a million things a second."
"Damn straight!" My smile had a superior air about it. We are definitely not going to change ourselves overnight because we decided to go back being together. Then what was going to change?
"You realize that we have to get to know each other all over again?" His voice full of hope. For now, it was enough.
"Yes. Getting to know each other - calls, meetings, dates, mails. Then, we will see how it goes." There were no promises of commitment or loud and emotional confessions of our undying love. We were still on probation. We were still dwelling on muddy waters. But we were willing to try. We both had hope. And that was a nice start. "Lets introduce ourselves first." I managed to add. We both had full blown smile on our faces.
"Hi. I am Complicated." I said stretching out my hand.
"Hi. I am Aloof." He shook on it.
"What is going to change this time?" I cannot simply sit and feel everything is right when my brain is screaming for some answers. I still asked him not really expecting an answer but for his usual shrug.
"Point Of View." He answered. I never asked him whose point of view he was talking about. If I had asked, then I knew he would surely tell me. But for now, questions can wait.
Here I am, stranded in the middle of nowhere with a flat tire. After the photo shoot I had changed to street clothes and went on a drive. There was more than one thing on my mind and frankly I didn't give much thought on the route. We came to this place last night (which is miles away from the city) which is famous for its spectacular sunrise. Everyone had retired in their trailers/cars/tents for the day. I thought it was too beautiful a day to be cooped up in small enclosures. I barely heard to the cameraman advising me to apply enough sun screen. "I don't want our super model to look inconsistently tanned." I had nodded and fled from the set. My thoughts were like bright patches of colors on a clean white sheet. "Super model..." I have never understood that categorization. What is super model? I am a professional model. I walk on ramps, dress up as my designer says, attend photo shoot, do an ad here and there, some partying and thats it. I never see anything super about it. I would consider myself as a popular model, than a super model. Super model sounds....snobbish. I came out of my reverie when I heard the sound of tire bursting. Cell phone wasn't working and there wasn't a single soul in sight. I was feeling oddly lonely and secretly longed for a companion. In fifteen minutes my wish was granted.
She was perhaps my age, riding a bicycle wearing an old salwaar kameez. I stopped her for directions.
"You are that super model aren't you." Well, so much for being mysterious and anonymous.
"I am a model, yes. Look, my car has a flat, can you show the route to the nearest town? I need to make a phone call."
"Sure. I will take you there." Whew! I like nature as much as I like my moisturizing lotion, but I believe there are some people who can simply melt in sunlight, I being one of them.
"Thank You. Your help is much appreciated." At this she laughed.
"Don't thank me. I am not doing you any favor. You just happened to cross my path and since I am on my way to the town, I am simply letting you to join me as my companion. Town is not that far but its not close by either. I thought I could use some company." And here I thought I was the conceited one !!!
"Thank you for letting me walk with you." I made sure sarcasm was evident in my voice. I sneered at her. She didn't seem to mind. She just shrugged. Talk about thick skin!!!
"You are welcome princess. But first off, what are you doing in this part of the country? Isn't it a tad backward for your wild parties?" She grinned. I simply rolled my eyes.
"Photo shoot. We had to catch the sunrise at the exact time. Timing was the key thing. So we were ready with everything by 4 AM. And to think, I thought models had it all when they were young." I shook my head. Sometimes, I question myself, is this really worth it?
"Is this really worth it? I know this profession is not a simple cookie. No matter what you feel, you have to paste a smile on your face, ignore perverted salivating gazes, bear the ache in legs, look fantastic and what not. You cannot take a stroll like this back in the city without getting mobbed. Isn't freedom a great sacrifice to pay for a highly successful career?" She read my mind. If I was in my normal frame of mind I would have asked her to go to hell or slapped her or maybe both. Yes, it was honest, but its something you don't ask a celebrity on their face. At least not without a camera!!! I was feeling strangely melancholic, so I humored her with an answer.
"I dreamed about this when I was young. Everyone who comes to this profession knows what they are getting into. Its not like its been thrust in my throat. I chose this life. I enjoy being in limelight. Not everyone can handle themselves well when they are cornered. I get bullied by reporters. Some of the crew undress me with their eyes. I bite my lip and ignore them. I get mobbed by people who think I am some kind of extraordinarily talented person or super beautiful or they just want to brag to their friends that they got to touch me. Its an escape for them from their own reality. After I fade from their sight, they remember their unpaid electricity bill, plumbing problems and jealousy about a neighbor who bought a new mixer. But for that one moment, I have shown them the paradise. Coming to sacrifices, be it any profession, we keep sacrificing, we keep compromising and we convince ourselves that we are extremely independent and carefree. In reality, we are not even close to that." That was oddly stimulating. I felt.....light...free. Talking about what I have been thinking isn't that bad.
"I for one am sure that I have not made any sacrifices."
"Everyone makes sacrifices. No matter how rich you are or how poor you are. Because, success becomes such a priority. I am not talking about the sacrifice of you giving your meal to your dog because your dog was hungry. I am talking about something thats more subtle. Compromising on morals, sacrificing your pride, letting go of your true passion; I am talking about these things." I was choking up. Hell, I never ever talked about these. I blame my behavior on this environment. Perhaps there are some weird bacteria around which affects your brain.
"I see."
"When there is success, all these things seems so silly, so petty. You would think all the sacrifices were worth it. But one day it will come back and haunt you; even if its only for a minute."
"You still think its worth it? Look at you, you are bawling in front of a townie. Aren't you scared that I am a reporter in disguise and recording everything you are saying?"
"Today, here in this crappy road, in a town far away from glitz and glamor, I particularly don't care if you print all the things I have said. You know why? Because its worth it. I still believe its worth it. I chose this profession. I chose knowing what I will be getting into. Once you make a choice, you either put up or shut up. There are no other options. I get 15 seconds to impress a consumer when I do an ad. How many people have that power? I have 2 minutes to blow customers off their feet when I walk the ramp. I have only a moment to take breaths away of young teenage girls when they look at my picture. That makes my job worth it. Because even its for a second, I have shown them Paradise."
I was feeling a lot better once I finished my little speech. Respect to myself had increased by a notch. I saw a couple of cars coming our way and they were indeed from my unit. In couple of minutes there were too many people around me somehow breaking the gentle serenity that was present. Amidst all the fuss, I turned at her and shoved my card into her hand.
"Here. This card has my personal cell phone number. Not more than a dozen people have this number. Come and meet me when you come to city."
"No." I oddly felt hurt. Getting turned down was not new to me. And no it wasn't because of the pride factor. It was just...it just...hurt.
"No?"
"No. When I come to city, I will call you and you come and meet me." She smiled at me gently. With a small wave she walked away towards the town without ever looking back.
"Can't start the day without coffee huh?" Good. She was in office.
"Good Morning to you too and no. Coffee first. Everything else can wait." Cocky as usual.
"Why do you come to office so early everyday? I guess half the city is still asleep." Being in office by 6:30 AM is insanity. Period. My reason for coming to this damned office so early is right in front of me drinking coffee. Did I mention I have totally lost it?
"Its a healthy habit to do so.Being early in office makes me catch up on lots of things till others come. I get lot of work done with out any disturbance thus increasing my productivity which in turn increases the profit margin of my project, hence contributing to overall organization development." She can't be serious! That it so...ugh!!
"Really?" Please say no!Please say no!Please say no! I prayed silently in my mind."Of course not! Its summer now and it gets very hot to drive after 7 AM. So I come here when the weather is still cool. Thats all. But you fell for my story didn't you." No! For a minute I thought I was talking to a super snob.
"Just a teeny-weeny bit." Thats an understatement.
"Why are you here though?" All right lady, its my move now.
"I thought if I come early I could get to talk to you over a cup of coffee; without anyone lurking around." I watched her face closely. The last thing she is, dumb. I knew she understood my insinuation.
"So mission accomplished then?" No reaction? Thats just....weird!
"I would say mission is successful but there is a small thing that is bothering me." Please don't ask me why, I thought desperately.
"What's that?"
"How come your face is completely blank even after I told you that I wanted to have a cup of coffee with you? When a guy asks a girl for a coffee with all privacy, there should be some sort of emotion on your face. Anger, embarrassment....something? At least butterflies in your stomach?" At this, she started laughing. I don't know what got hurt the most - my ego or my pride.
"Butterflies? Why? Do you have them?" She was giggling now. She didn't answer. That was a positive sign...wasn't it?
"Don't be ridiculous. I have moths in my stomach. Much more masculine you see." She rolled her eyes. I simply grinned at her.
"How the hell does it matter if its moths or butterflies?"
"It does matter!!! Butterflies in your stomach will be of all soft colors that girls generally love and they would be hopping from one pretty flower to another. Oh! there would be background music too-perhaps violin or some blond singing how wonderful everything is in her sickeningly sweet voice." Gosh! These things are so simple, clear cut rules of society. Everyone claims to be independent blah blah and double blah, but in reality they religiously follow the society norms. Us guys have it printed on our DNA.
"I presume your moths will be opposite to this?"
"You bet. Moths will be gray in color, sauntering in dim lit space. Guitar or rock music is a must."
"Pretty prejudiced perception, isn't it?"
"Here is the rule. A girl can be tomboyish but a guy can never be femenish. Its simply not acceptable."
"Femenish is not a word."
"I know, I was just putting my point across. How many male friends do you have who like pink color, use Britney Spears music for their work out and who actually likes her music not because of the video but for the fact that they believe her songs are Grammy material?"
"What's wrong with that? A person is entitled to his own opinion."
"Even if they do like those stuff, they never say it in public. If he does, then he becomes his own enemy. Trust me."
"So you still have moths in your stomach?"
"Not anymore. They have gone to cafeteria for an early breakfast with the butterflies in your stomach. I think we too better go there and watch over them. Moths tend to get a bit morbid and butterflies annoyingly sweet. What do you think?" I crossed my fingers under the table and maintained a cool and calm exterior. Being that nervous idiot I was, forgot in that moment that the table top was completely transparent. She looked at my fingers and my face and said "Lead the way"
For next one hour we had our breakfast leisurely discussing diet, fashion preferences, moodiness and dating habits of moths and butterflies. Coming to office definitely had it perks, I idly mused as we walked back to our building.
Dad: I have observed something. It might not be much, but its eating me from couple of days.
Me: Shoot Dad.
Dad: Why is that you change your watch as soon as you come from office? I mean, you have a separate watch when you stay at home. You don't take it off during the night too.
Me: He he he....nice observation there Dad!
Dad: Is that watch special?
Me: Yes Dad. Its kind of special.
Dad: Oh!
Me: ...
Dad: Is that because it was given to you by a special someone?
Me: WHAT??!!!!
Dad: Hey! Its OK. I mean I understand. At least I think I understand.
Me: Is that what you think?
Dad: Well, yeah. I asked your mom about it. She pretty much guessed the same.
Me: (Sighing) Dad, its nothing like that alright?
Dad: Its not?
Me: No. That watch is tuned in with the timing of Animax television network. I just don't want to miss even a single minute of my favorite shows.
Dad: Oh....
Me: (Smiling) Did you freak out because I have a 'special someone' Dad?
Dad: Actually no. But your real reason for wearing that watch truly freaks me out. Why can't you be normal?
Me: Come on Dad, normalcy is overrated.
Dad: Normalcy gives you sanity.
Me: There is a fine line between normalcy and sanity. Even finer between normalcy and insanity. Given a choice, I would forgo normalcy.
Dad: (Laughing) Looks like you have already forgone your normalcy.
Me: Its in my DNA.
Dad: (Scowls)
Me: (Promptly ran off from his line of vision)