Running away

Some people dance inside themselves. But when the time comes, they cannot dare a move. She was that kind of a person. He observed her whenever there was an opportunity to do so. They were acquaintances. Their relationship was somewhere between being strangers and friends. Aren't we all? He wondered. She was standing alone in a deserted pantry idly sipping coffee. She was staring at distant building through long bay windows. He knew she wasn't looking at those fancy buildings. She was looking at her reflection on that faintly dust coated window. There was a hint of pride on her face and there was something else. Was that insecurity...? He didn't know. Her fling with a fellow mate in this office was the topic of discussion for many months. During those days she was extra cheery, extra smiling and extra talking. Like a continuous noise. He was disgusted with the fact that her break up was talked in hushed tones even in mens room. He wanted to yell at people to get a life. Its not that he liked her or anything. Come to think of it, he barely even acknowledged her presence many times. Their interaction was always within professional boundaries. He had known her for some years and he had never come across a woman as strong and as confident as her. People mistook her pride for her arrogance and her intelligence for rudeness. Not that there were very intelligent people in this office, he chuckled at that thought.
After her disastrous relationship, he had rarely seen her talking animatedly about something new she read somewhere. Never before had he seen her like this in her most vulnerable moment. For a minute he thought that he was invading a private moment that she was having with her reflection. He pushed those thoughts away. He never really bothered about such things. Pantry is a public place, isn't it?
The sound of the coffee machine made her turn and look at him. She gave him a defeated smile. At that moment he wanted to pack her off to a faraway island, away from everything and everyone and see her reflecting a smile in his tea cup. He wanted to see if she could spare a breath from her usual silliness and let him try to understand her. Perhaps in a different lifetime, he thought. He was the only person who had not congratulated on her affair or gave his sympathies when she was dumped. He had simply ignored her. On that day, in pantry with a steaming cup of coffee for the first time, he initiated a conversation with no professional boundaries. He knew what he was getting into, and for a change, he didn't care.
"Having coffee?" He wanted to smack himself. How lame could you get? Knowing her, he was sure to get a witty and snappy comeback.
"Yeah. My fifth one for the day." Her voice was low and raspy. He didn't like it one bit.
"I don't think its wise to wallow in self pity for such a long time and that too over an idiot." His voice was gentle.
"I don't recall asking you for an advice. Hell, I don't recall even talking to you ever out side our professional needs. We are not friends. And I am in no mood to make one. I don't need your pity or your sympathy. So back off."
"Now be a good girl and take a long sip of your coffee."
"Huh??"
"You managed to say so many lines in one breath. Its been a long time since you have done so. Your vocal chords will tire easily as they are out of practice. Have coffee, it will soothe your throat." If she was angry before, it was nothing compared to now. She was positively seething and he was enjoying immensely. Her anger, he could deal with, her fragility was something he was scared of.
"Why are you talking to me? I mean why now? Its been weeks since my break up and people here have almost forgotten that I have a failed relationship. Why are you trying to open up old wounds?" He chose his words carefully.
"All your sadness is spent and you have no tears left. You don't want to think about him anymore so you are more than welcome to a fresh perspective of things. You are almost over him so you will be a little logical when it comes to relationships. Its the best time to talk, actually. You might actually listen what I have got to say without bawling your eyes out or screeching like an emotionally distraught female."
"Its your turn to take a sip of coffee. My vocal chords might be out of practice, in your case, they haven't been used enough." He smiled. This is how he wanted her to be. Proud, intelligent and witty. He didn't question himself as to why he suddenly "wanted" these things. He chose not to tread on those roads. This wasn't the time.
"Why did you do this to yourself?"
"What did I do to myself?" His voice faltered for a minute. In that minute he thought may be talking to her was not a good idea at all. But he was neck deep in this already. He explained further.
"He gave you a bit of attention, a smile, a touch and a handful of dreams. He never really saw you. The popular guy goes with the popular girl, an eternal fairy tale. The popular guy realizes god knows what and splits with the popular girl. Its a usual story in this world and is as old as this world itself." He really wanted to know the reason for their split. What could have gone wrong in the paradise? He wondered.
"He told me that I was too good for him. Whatever does that mean? Please don't insult me with a superficial answer like - You are too brilliant or he is a bastard or anything along those lines. Just, be honest."
"He might have had some shallow reason or other don't worry about it. I, on the other had have my own reasons as to why you are too good for him."
"Oh..."
"Even if it was only for some months, he was everything to you. He gave you a bit of attention and left you at it. He could hurt you deeply - with a glance, a touch or just a word. You simply gave him the power and the weapon. Don't get me wrong, you didn't compromised your independence or your individuality for his sake, you did that for the sake of something as silly as love or togetherness or companionship or some other notion like that. Granted, that you thought that he was worth everything you did, but isn't that a tad expensive price to pay?"
"So where is I being too good for him part?" He shook his head. She didn't get it at all.
"Your integrity is way too precious to waste it on a loser like him. Its as simple as that. Look at you. Its been what, a month already since your break-up and here you are still thinking about time spent with him and how happy you were then." He couldn't fathom why he was getting so agitated.
"I was happy then and thats a fact. I am not happy now and thats a fact too. The only difference between now and then is him."
"Then get over him. Move on. Just let him go." He felt exhausted. He never really bothered for anyone's anguish and he wished he understood why he was pushing her this way.
"I don't want to let him go."
"Why not?"
"I would be completely lonely then. All I have is memories now. If I let go of those too, I would be terribly lonely." He had this sudden urge to go find that guy who had reduced her to this and bury alive, bring him back to life and kill him all over again. He shook his head to shake off the invisible tangles in his head. He decided he should tell her one more thing before he walked out of this pantry.
"There is one more reason why I talked to you."
"What?"
"I saw you standing alone and staring at your reflection on that window. I didn't wanted you to feel alone. I didn't wanted you to taste that loneliness. Not now at least." His kept his face intentionally blank in case she tried to make out what he was thinking.
"Are you saying we can be friends?"
"Friends? Please, not one of your silly notions again. Its just a fancy name for a dumb brethren."
"Alright, what are you proposing?" He gently took her cell phone and saved his cell phone number, residence number, e-mail addresses. He wrote his residence address on his business card and placed it along with her cell phone in her hands.
"In case you feel lonely, pick any one mode of communication and then I will take care of you."
They walked out of the pantry as though nothing had changed. But in reality, everything was different.