Running away

The coffee machine was broken for the fifth time this week and it was only Wednesday. There were more than a dozen people hanging around for their morning coffee waiting for the coffee machine to be fixed which was currently being repaired by a vendor. As soon as the machine got fixed everyone in the pantry rushed towards the coffee machine. It looked as though these people had never drank coffee in their lives. Or may be they were diagnosed with some rare disease and resident doctor had told them that a cup of coffee from this machine only could cure them. Or it was just a matter flaunting a smug little grin to people who were still waiting for their turn to get coffee. Morons, I thought.
I filled my mug and walked towards the corner of the pantry where my friend was waiting. As usual we didn't get chairs to sit because of them. Well, 'them' here refers to a team who sit in our wing. I still don't get it why they had to huddle in to one tight group during coffee breaks, as they already share same work area. They seemed to have developed weird attachment with each other. Even in pantry they have to sit together. There is one tiny table in the middle and ten chairs around it. There are only ten chairs in pantry anyway, so the rest of us poor souls either sit on floor or on platform or go back to our desks.
Seating, amongst them is totally based on seniority. You have senior PAs sitting close to table with an air of knowledge. Based on their stay in this office, the rest of the team is missed out. My friend and I sat next to the microwave, his hand (my friend's that is) lazily draped over that microwave. We both talk in low tones with an occasional burst of laughter. We are making fun of them, of course! After everyone had settled down, the senior PA realizes that PM was MIA. (MIA = Missing In Action). PA is now all concerned and makes a quick phone call. In couple of minutes PM enters pantry. "Aahh...here comes the King." My friend said.
Have you seen the serial Tipu Sultan by Sanjay Khan? If you have, then you will remember the way he walked to his court. Well, that is nothing compared to the way this PM walked in. My friend's face was looking comical as he was trying very hard not to laugh out loud. The PM fills his coffee mug and walks towards that table. He pats on the shoulder of one of the guys who is occupying a chair who is not a PA but had managed to sit near the table. PM asks that guy if everything is going well. The guy who is an SE and cursing in his mind that he didn't get a role change gets up in a gentlemanly fashion and offers his chair to the PM. PM looks abashed says no about fifteen times. Yeah, we counted. Three times standing, next seven times adjusting the chair to sit and five times after sitting. That SE looks away from his group and scowls. "The court has come to order, the king is settled; Now bullshitting begins." My friend whispered. I chuckled.
There are people who simply love to bask in some glory. This PM was not an exception.
"So guys, I hope you read my mail regarding our milestones that we reached during this quarter and the ops margins that we achieved. In case if any of you have any doubts, any at all, fell free to ask me." He gave them a big toothy smile. "I have a doubt that you don't understand a word you are speaking. Should I send this doubt to you in a mail?' My friend imitated the voice of one of the guys sitting there. It was damn hilarious. A meek young guy dared to ask a doubt. "Umm...what is ops margin?"
PM shared a secret smile with one of the PAs and shook his head as though it was a dumb question.
"I'll bet my next year salary that none of these so called senior guys have an idea of ops margin. They know the definition that is found in our internal website and have no clue as to how we arrive at a number." My friend sniggered. The PA gave an exaggerated sigh and explained to that young guy what ops margin is. The role of a PA /ML is kind of funny. You are a senior to SE which means you can boss around them and get all the coding work done. In case something goes wrong with the delivery, blame it on SE. If everything works out well, then it was your role as an ML that clicked the delivery. If project gets screwed, its PM's/on-site fault. Its a win-win situation. Anyways, this PA was explaining ops margin animatedly and that kid was hanging on to every word the PA was saying, as though his life depended on it. Once finished, PA gave a mysterious smile to that guy and said - "Don't worry, you will understand all of this very soon." That young guy looked happy thinking "very soon" was a hint for his role change. I guess by then PM had realized that PA was getting more attention and so started talking about the quality process he followed in one of the older projects which got astounding customer appreciation. He was throwing in jargons like, six sigma, CMM, quality audits, monthly quality matrix, defect tracking and productivity improving matrix. PAs were stopping him in between throwing many more jargons and nodding their head when that PM gave them a look or a one word answer. Some kids were looking at PMs and PAs as though they were the greatest minds of this organization.
"Thats absolute bullshit and I'll pledge my womb for next ten years for being a surrogate mother if I am wrong." I whispered near my friend's ears. My friend started coughing loudly to cover up his laughter. Idiot. He was worse than me when it came to controlling laughter. Not that I blame him. We were watching a cartoon show anyway!
My friend looked at that PM then looked at his watch. He did this for about five times when the PM finally got the hint. We sit and watch the crowd getting dispersed grinning to ourselves. We reached a point where we change direction to go to our respective desks. "Coffee at 4 PM? Can't miss evening show." My friend laughed. I smiled and made a mental note to go to pantry at 4 PM.